Nov.17th, 2015 Hot Sex at Bonita Springs Utilities


I was getting into the car to take the kids to school this morning when I saw the BSU truck drive by and stop in front of my neighbor’s house. “Whew, glad it’s not me….” I thought. My Spider-Sense tingles when I feel that my water bill is late to the point of having my service shut off. It’s been tingling hard for the past couple of days.

My relief was short lived when I heard the, “beep..beep..beep” of the truck’s reverse-alarm. Out of the truck pops Kenny with the Crank of Dry Death in his hands. I’ve seen him head toward my meter with this tool many times before. Luckily, I always seem to be out in the yard when he approaches with it. “Mornin’, Kenny. You’re not going to shut it off are you?” I asked pitifully. “Can you get down there and pay your bill before 2?” he replied.

When I decided to write about my city’s Utility Company, I never guessed that I would enjoy such a warm feeling while doing it. Is there a less romantic topic to cover at first blush? I sure as hell wouldn’t read a story about a Utility Company. (Maybe I should give this story an artificially provocative title. I will. When you get to this point of my story, you will now know why the title sounds so enticing).

Why do I have such a problem with paying this bill on time? It’s not always because I’m broke. I have never put much thought into the reason before. I am about to. I will now search myself, in front of God, and all of you, to find my inner reasons.

I don’t read my mail, nor do I answer my phone, (in a story for a future date, we will explore my question of whether or not we have any legal obligation to check our mail….or even have an address for that matter).

I actually, mildly enjoy testing my “Spider-Sense” as it pertains to paying the water bill. Just one of those brain exercises to try to stay young, I suppose.

I’m often broke and juggling all of my bills. As was the case today.

I’m too scared to allow BSU to set up an automatic payment system for me. That could actually lead to me having to deal with my bank rather than the lovely folks at BSU. I hate my bank.

Perhaps the reason is because I truly enjoy going down to the BSU office and paying my bill. The people are really down-home friendly there! Every time! It makes me feel like I wish all of the people that I do business with would make me feel. Like a community. A person, and not, (Oh God, please know that I can’t stand Bob Seger), like a number. The folks at the utility company are consistent models of what customer service should be.

About a year ago, I had to go in and pay my overdue bill. While I sat there and had my debit card sucked dry, the lady that was helping me shared her everything bagel with cream cheese with my 2-year-old-son that I had in tow. She actually took another bite of it after sharing it with my drooly, snotty little fella. THAT…is customer service! I might have shared a bagel with a cute little kid, but there is no way in hell that I would take it and bite back into the now-soggy thing.

I would like to thank all of the people at B.S.U. for their wonderful, friendly attitudes. It makes such a positive difference in our city.

Folks, pay your water bills happily. Try paying it late in person. Or best of all, just let it go for about 2 1/2 months, and you too, will get to meet Kenny!


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